Swiping Left or Right: Building the basics of your dating profile, starting with pics. 

Let’s face it…dating apps are the total norm for meeting people nowadays…whether it’s a hook up, to just hangout or you’re looking for someone to connect and grow with, this is the modern tool we have to meet other singles, so let’s make the best of it! Your profile is your resume to the dating world so it should have great pics, a luring bio, and honest intentions. I mean, we are pimping ourselves out for potential dates, right? We do need to capture the interest of the beholder first…and then go from there. I am by no means a dating professional but I am a woman and I do know what makes me swipe left immediately, or stop on a pic to open the profile and read it, and then perhaps swipe right…or left. So if you’re on a dating app and reading this…please consider what I’m saying…I know the apps give tips and suggestions about profile pics. But let’s be honest…there are some things in profiles that are eye catching…and these could be good or bad!

Profile Pictures

Ok I am no fool to filters, photoshopping, and camera angles for flattering photo ops. My sissy Rache and I can’t stop laughing about how we always want the camera at the higher angle to flatter and contour our round Filipino faces!!! But that’s all fun and games. I’m not sure how guilty guys are of this, but us girls do it for sure!!! A few profile pics of just your face isn’t too bad. I do not mean like a DMV or passport photo. But a nice, clear pic of your face, just you. I like them because I’m all about teeth. I like to see people’s teeth. Odd, I know, but we all have our quirks. Avoid too many pics with sunglasses or hats…what are you hiding? If bank policies ask you to remove sunglasses, hats and hoods, it’s because they want to see your face clearly. Same with a dating profile. LOL.

For group pics….use pics with a balance of the opposite sex. If you’re a guy, too many women in group photos look like you’re just a fuckboy. If you are great, but most single woman don’t want to see it (yet, lol). I’ve seen some profiles where guys have graciously explained who the women are (i.e., sisters, best friends, brothers’ wives, best friend’s wife and her besties etc). Just save your character counts and use a different pic. It’s easier. For gals, really? You with pics of all guys…men do not want to compete with ALL these other guys for your attention. And why would you want to look like “one of the guys”? You’re a lady. Pick a different picture to post. Or get left swiped. LOL. Be mindful of too many pics with the same friend or person. After a few dates the connection failed, and this guy told my friend she should change her profile pics because it misleads people to think they’re meeting her friend. LOL. We thought it was funny since she is a 5’11 tall blonde, and I’m a 5’0 Filipino chick. I’m sure he just said that to be a jerk because her profile had tons of solo pics, but I made a mental note of it. LOL.

What I’m about to write next, some may find offensive but I don’t care because I am one of the chicks checking out your profile, and I’m a parent too. Do not include pictures of your kids!!! Yes we are all proud of our children no matter what their ages are, they’re our beautiful spawn and we want everyone to know that they are our top priority. If you’re a parent, the kids better be your top priority because if not, that speaks volumes for your character. I’m just saying. But you really shouldn’t be posting pictures of your kids on a public domain. There are crazies out there. There’s already risks that we are voluntarily subjecting ourselves to by being on a dating app, why are you involving your kids?? Just don’t include your kids period…this is for dating…introduce them only if the person is worthy of meeting your babies, and the time is right for you, the kids, and your new mate.

Multiple (or excessive) traveling or drinking pics…I know the apps recommend using traveling pics or adventurous pics, but nearly every picture??? Overkill on the adventure. And someone could be intimidated by your grand worldliness, this awesome match may have never traveled and may feel a little shy because of it. The drinking pics??? We all love our drunken foolish pictures!!! But post those on social media, not your dating profile. If you have too many drinking pics, or every picture you’re holding a beer or a wine glass, it leaves the impression that you may have a problem…or you’re a party goer 24/7…yuck…unless of course you’re looking for the same. In that case, knock yourself out.

Most importantly, please use recent pictures!!! Nobody is interested in what you looked like 10 years ago. There’s nothing worse that going somewhere and looking for your date, and you don’t recognize them…because the person you’re looking for from their profile is in the past. LOL. Especially when it comes to physique. A lot of guys have told me that they’ve walked into the place looking for their date, and they’re floored (and annoyed for expecting the person in the pic) by what appears. Don’t embarrass yourself. Embrace who you are TODAY. And speaking of body types, let’s stop posting half naked pictures. It’s practically pornographic. I get it, you work hard for that rockin’ body…but leave something to the imagination. Yes, women like to undress men with our eyes too. Sexy isn’t about the body, so don’t make it like that’s all you’re worth.

I think that’s all I have to say about profile pictures for now. Be real. Be beautiful. Be you….but be intriguing.

Dating at 46… Date #1…

Dating. It’s a lot harder than one may think. I have great stats…or so I think. I’m educated and I’m low key, easy going and funny, and I’m pretty. People actually are shocked when I say I’m 46…but I’m Filipino and blessed with designer genes that hold my age well. My kids are young adults and I handle my shit…I don’t need a sponsor, a husband, or a father for my kids..I just want someone who’ll show up for me, go out and stay home, and just laugh with me. And I don’t have absolute qualifications for the guy…ok well I do require some height, like at least 5’9, meat on their bones, a dazzling smile, employed, and is clean and tidy…those few things are my absolutes. But when you’re 46, the pool of reasonable fish is rough…I’ve learned that a lot of guys my age group have small children, baby mama drama, and look like they’re several months pregnant. So what’s the other option? Younger guys who fit the bill of qualifications, right? Well yes of course…but then they want kids, or label me as a “cougar” or a MILF, really??? People are still using those terms? Case in point…last night’s date….

I met this guy at our Martini bar spot a couple of weeks ago. He was funny and easy going. He’s 36, educated and sounded like he handles his business, so when he asked me to dinner, I accepted the invitation…first, let me explain that I really don’t like going to dinner on a first date. I don’t want to be locked down for about an hour with someone who may be rude to the service staff or a bad tipper, or just plainly ill-mannered so I usually just like to meet for happy hour or coffee. But we had texted all week and talked on the phone a few times and he just seemed cool. So dinner was planned. And honestly, I was excited for a fun date night. He’s a nice black guy who’s educated, long term employed, and outgoing. I only mention his ethnicity because I want to make sure you know I am not selective of any particular race or ethnic background.

7:30. We agreed to meet at 7:30…and we both live about 20 minutes away from the meeting spot. I arrive and call him to see if he’s there yet, he says he’s about five minutes away because he forgot his wallet and had to go back. So I go in and get seated. Five minutes pass. Screw it, I ordered a beer. Minutes pass, and I’m almost done with the beer. He’s almost twenty minutes late. I’m almost put off, but I’m good. He finally strolls in and I stand up to give him a hug. I’m 5’0. I was wearing heeled wedges…and I was practically eye to eye with him. Fuck. Late and short. Not good. Then the hug. I’m a hugger and I give meaningful hugs. I thought I was going to give him a spinal adjustment with my hug. So skinny. This isn’t heading towards a good path. Late. Short. Skinny. Damnit.

He orders dinner for both of us because I’ve never done this Sukiyaki. My definition would be something like Korean BBQ meets Pho. So food was great, then I looked at him to say something…his eyes were glassy, red, and lowered. This fucker was high on weed. Seriously? I asked. He said yes. Wow. Late. Short. Skinny…and stoned. All I kept thinking was …fuck, I’m having dinner with stoned Chris Rock and I want to leave. Clearly there was no spark or evidence of chemistry…on my part. For him, he kept touching my knee and my leg, and sat with his arm around me. I ordered another beer. This isn’t going well. Then he said it. He said he couldn’t believe I’m 46…and identified me as a cougar because he’s only 36…then he went there…called me a MILF. Then he kept saying he wanted to see me sing at karaoke. I insisted (over and over) that I do not sing. But he kept at it. Here, I think he was stereotyping me…Filipino and Karaoke. Yep, stereotyping.  I downed the beer and ordered another, pulled my phone out and texted my best friend demanding she and her boyfriend meet us a bar…after all, he did suggest that.

Scene 2: the Martini bar. Local ladies get one free Martini so I ordered my free one and he ordered his drink. We finished. He ordered himself a beer and asked me if I liked Stella. Yes of course, who doesn’t like an ice cold Stella??? Oh he didn’t order me one. Nor did he ask if I wanted another drink. You’re probably wondering if the conversation was at least as good as it was on our phone calls. Nope. We barely talked. Sports and karaoke were the hot topics. I said I loved hockey because it’s so fast and the fights make me laugh. He took that as I have violent streak in me. So he kept saying,  “We need to fix your love for violence” and “I want you to sing karaoke”. I’m now 4 more drinks in me and thank goodness my best friend and her guy showed up. I was done, I wanted to go home. But I’m a sport and suggested to dance. Bad suggestion. On the dance floor, about two minutes into the song, he slowly turn me around so he can grind me from behind. Ok that’s it…I’m done with this night….

I thought I handled this well. Let’s go over the night again…Late. Short. Skinny. High. Boring conversation. Cougar. MILF. Stereotyping. Grinding on the dance floor…yeah Date #1 was not happening…for a nice guy he managed to do everything a girl doesn’t want on a first date. Oh did I mention, he kept touching the small of my back and kept putting his arm around me and touching my legs?????? Even when I would adjust my position to avoid it…he still did it.

This was my first date in about a year. FML. Fuck My Life. It can’t be this rough. This is just one date. I lost a Friday night of reading a book, watching a movie, and going to bed early. I don’t think I’ll give up though…I’ll try again. Date #1/Stoned Chris Rock = epic fail. Next…..